Funny definitions

There are numerous words with alternative funny definitions and I have compiled a few of them here for your reading pleasure! Let me know if you know others.

1. Criminal: A person no different from the others except that he got caught!
2. Etc: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually know.
3. Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually begin to look forward to the trip.
4. Dictionary: The only place where divorce comes before marriage.
5. Rumour: News that travels at the speed of sound.
6. Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
7. Ecstacy: A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt.
8. A Classic: A book which people praise but do not read.
9. A Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit together to decide that nothing can be done together.
10. Doctor: A person who kills your ills by pills and kills you by his bills.
11. Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine power is defeated by feminine power.
12. Optimist: A person who takes a bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
13. Pessimist: A person who tells that the lettr “O” is the last letter of ZERO instead of telling that it is the first letter in OPPORTUNITY.
14. Boss: A person who comes in late when you are early and early when you are late.
15. Worry: Interest paid on trouble before it falls due.
16. Yawn: The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
17. Marriage: An arrangement where a man loses his Bachelor’s degree and a woman gains her Masters”.
18. Miser: A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
19. Politician: A person who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.
20. College: A place where some pursue learning and others learn to pursue.