drkjshenoyAround the time ‘Kaun Banega Karodpati’ hit the airspace, I had a nagging premonition that I was on the threshhold of a windfall. At that time a special scheme called Britannia-KBC offer invited the viewers to buy the pack of biscuits and use the code inside the wrapper to enter the contest. Once you register, you would get an opportunity to enter the fray oa preferential basis.
drkjshenoyHow do you spot a cynic? Or in other words how do you define a cynic? Following are the hallmark of a cynic:
Cynic is a person who, on receiving a gift holiday package from an anonymous donor, suspects that someone is planning to burgle his house in his absence,
Or one who thinks that football is a game played by those with eczema of feet and watched by those with glioma of brain.
Or one who considers the telephone to be a thing that rings only when one enters the bath,
Or a wife who, if her husband is back early from office, asks if he had a tiff with the boss and if he is late thinks that he must be having an affair with boss’s secretary,
A tongue twister is a sentence or phrase that is so difficult to keep repeating without making a mistake. The tongue is known to twirl when you attempt to tell these sentences or phrases aloud and quick. Try some of these and see for yourself.
1. Cycle rally, lorry rally.
2. Good blood, bad blood.
3. Unique New York.
4. She sells seashells on the seashore.
5. The sixth sick sheikh’s sheep is sick.
6. Betty bought some butter but the butter she bought was bitter, so she bought some better butter to make the bitter butter better.
7. How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck would chick wood?
8. Freshly fried flying fish.
9. Greek grapes.
10. Many an anemone sees an enemy anemone.
rajgopal1. Three surgeons were at a surgical conference. At the end of the day’s session they met at the cocktail dinner and were discussing their profession and patients. Finally the topic came around to who would they love to operate upon.
Surgeon#1: I love to operate on Electricians. Everything is color-coded once you open them up.
Surgeon#2: I love to operate on accountants. Once you open them up, every body part is serially numbered and stored.
Surgeon#3: I love to operate on lawyers. They are very easy to operate upon as they are spineless, gutless, heartless and what’s more their head and bottoms are interchangeable!!
Going in for any surgery is a major fright in itself. Imagine hearing the things you read below in the theater!
1. There’s a lot of money in kidneys. Heck, this guy has got two of them!
2. Oscar, you bad dog!! Come back with that!!
3. Oh shit! Page 35 is missing from the manual!
4. Wait a minute! If this is her kidney, then what is that?
5. Can you stop that thing’s beating? It’s disturbing my concentration.
6. Anyone see where I left the scalpel?
7. What do you mean he was not in here for a sex-change?
8. And now we remove the subject’s brain and place it in the body of the ape.
9. OK, now take a picture from this angle. This truly is a freak of nature.
10. Everyone stand back. I lost my contact lens!
English is the lingua franca of the world. How often we have stopped to wonder how difficult this language is! I was recollecting some of the sentences in English and it is truly amazing to see some of the sentences.
1. The bandage was wound tightly over the wound.
2. The farm was used to produce produce.
3. The buck does funny things when the does are present.
4. I had to subject the subject to a number of tests.
5. It was just a minute prick and it was over in a minute.
6. When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.
7. They were too close to the door to close it.
8. There was a row amongst the oarsmen about how to row.
And some more:
1. Heartburn does nothing to the heart at all!
2. A house can burn up as it burns down.
3. Our noses run and the feet smell!
rajgopalAlbert Einstein, Pablo Picasso and George Bush all die and are waiting to be admitted into heaven. St. Peter is not an easy man to please and he needs identification from each one of them before letting them go in.
First up is Einstein. St. Peter asks him to prove that he is Einstein. Einstein requests for a blackboard and chalk and starts a lengthy explanation on the theory of Relativity. St. Peter is convinced and lets him enter heaven.
Next is Picasso. St. Peter asks him to prove he is indeed Picasso. Picasso takes a piece of cloth and wipes the black board and draws a beautiful sketch of the surroundings with St. Peter in the frame. St. Peter is convinced and lets him enter.
rajgopalThree people are discussing the advances medicine has made in their respective countries.
Japanese: Surgery in Japan is so advanced. Recently a man had his hands chopped off on the conveyor belt at his workplace. Surgeons rushed him to the theater and managed to attach back his blood vessels, tendons, nerves and muscles and his hands are fully functional today.
Indian: That’s nothing. There was a man who was crushed by a fast train and all his internal organs were crushed completely. Surgeons in India were able to attach every organ piece by piece and today he is alive and healthy.
rajgopalThere are numerous words with alternative funny definitions and I have compiled a few of them here for your reading pleasure! Let me know if you know others.
1. Criminal: A person no different from the others except that he got caught!
2. Etc: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually know.
3. Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually begin to look forward to the trip.
4. Dictionary: The only place where divorce comes before marriage.
5. Rumour: News that travels at the speed of sound.
6. Office: A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
7. Ecstacy: A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt.
8. A Classic: A book which people praise but do not read.
